THANK God I graduated from a vocational school. I would have never started being a film critic younger if I graduated from a four-year academic degree. To all the high school graduates out there, don’t worry that you cannot achieve a college degree. Even great people like Michael Dell and Steven Soderbergh who dropped out of college became successful. Right now, I’m still 19 but I’m proud that I can do movie critiques already even though I just graduated a total of four academic semesters from a vocational school.

The first movie that I’ll be critiquing is Witless Protection. I believe (don’t use think because that word denotes doubt) that this movie has significance because it is the very first movie that a US Marshal guarding a principal in the Justice Department’s witness protection program is portrayed as a comedian rather than a serious action figure like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tommy Lee Jones. Witless Protection is starred by Larry the Cable Guy.

The second movie that I’ll be critiquing is 27 Dresses. This is the perfect movie for all wedding planners out there. Here in our locality in Laredo, Texas, there are lots of wedding planners who are so shapely and so sexy but they are already in their mid-30s. And they never get married. I wonder what fate had shaped for them; all they do is plan the weddings of their contemporaries without thinking of their own. That’s the demographic of society that 27 Dresses wants to send a message – the females who are still single. And I think they’ve nailed one on this. Oh I almost forget to mention that 27 Dresses is directed by 41-year old choreographer Anne Fletcher so she can perfectly relate the plot of the movie.

The next movie that I’ll be critiquing is The Eye. The Eye is one movie that you must watch because this is the very first horror movie done by Jessica Alba. We first saw Jessica as an innocent 14-year old diving with dolphins in Flipper, then she moved on becoming a sexy action star in Dark Angel, then graced the cover of Maxim, then went back diving but this time with a sexier body and with hunk Paul Walker in tow in Out of the Blue. Then she did a graphic movie in Sin City and next, she became one of the superheroes in Fantastic Four and its sequel Rise of the Silver Surfer. Now, she’s into horror of a Japanese remake. I’d say she’s a great kid.